A Disneyland Adventure
by Elly And The Gundam Wing Fan
Summary: The gundam pilots visit the happiest place on earth. Look out Mickey Mouse!
1. More fun than a multitude of Mickeys

A Disneyland Adventure

               We have no ownership in either Gundam Wing, and definitely don't own Disneyland.  If we owned Disneyland, we'd probably be rich snobs who didn't care about writing fan fiction because we'd be so very, very lazy.  In reality, we can hardly afford to _visit_ Disneyland… let alone own it.  So if that's all cleared up, let us continue on to: A Disneyland Adventure!

            "An international spy in Disneyland?!" Wufei read an anonymous note he had received a few moments ago.  "That is just _wrong_!"

            "What do you have?" Quatre leaned over his shoulder, trying to get a glimpse of the letter in his hand.

            "An anonymous note that arrived a few moments ago." Wufei looked at the back of the paper, but there was no further writing.  "Isn't it convenient that this came to us?"

            "Hmm." Duo snorted.  "I think the authors are just getting lazy and aren't properly creating an opening plot."

            "What are you talking about?" Trowa looked confused.

            "Oh… nothing.  Heehee.  So… let's all go to Disneyland then!"

            "Are you joking?" Heero asked.

            "No." Duo replied.  "It's obviously where the authors want us to go this time, so we'd better warm up the gundams.  It's a long flight from Japan to California."

            The parking lot of Disneyland was ridiculous.  Especially on this, a Saturday afternoon in the middle of the summer.  Dozens of crazed children ran this way and that, squealing every time they caught a glimpse of the theme park's colorful interior.  Naturally, a few of the younger kids were already crying and making a fuss, whining about the heat or some other discomfort out of their parent's immediate control.

            Needless to say, the gundam pilots were not as enthusiastic about their arrival to the 'Happiest Place on Earth.'  After finding a suitable spot to park their gundams, they began the trek across the parking lot, huddling against each other to avoid the sticky children.

            "I hate this already." Heero made a face at the nearest beaming child, reducing her to a pile of tears.  "Everybody's so joyous."

            "We're standing out too much." Quatre noticed.  "We should have brought some little kids or something so we'd fit into the crowd."

            Everybody continued glaring, not at all interested in babysitting for the day.

            "Look at the size of that line!" Duo wailed.  "And that's just to get into the park!"

            It was true.  The entrance to Disneyland was swamped with happy people, many of which were laughing or chatting merrily.  The gundam pilots arranged themselves at the back of the line miserably.

            "Can you believe we're _already_ standing in line?" Wufei said as the line moved about a fraction of an inch.  "I thought they saved that for when you got inside."

Three and a half hours later:

            Duo was sure his boots were melting onto the sidewalk from the heat.  Trowa was just about ready to set up camp in the middle of the line when they suddenly realized they were next.

            "Hello and welcome to Disneyland!" A 'cast member' greeted the five.

            "How much for five adults?" Quatre opened his wallet, grateful to be through with the line.

            "We don't accept money here." The employee grinned.  "That was the line ride, and it's free of charge!  Now you may enter the line to the ticket booth, right over there!"

            "Wha?" The gundam pilots turned their attention to an even longer line than the one they had previously been standing in.

            "You mean we didn't have to stand in _this_ line?" Trowa looked murderous.

            "Of course not!  The line ride is a choice our guests have.  I hope you enjoyed the line ride.  Please proceed to the ticket line!"

            Heero trekked over to the back of the ticket line, unhappy with the new position.  The others gathered behind him, grumbling.

Five hours and twenty-two minutes later:

            "This _is_ the ticket booth, right?" Duo leaned into the booth hopefully.

            "Of course!" Another cast member smiled at them.  "How many?"

            "Five adults." Quatre looked relieved.

            "That will be $250." She pointed at a price list on the wall.  "Plus $300 for umbrellas."

            "Umbrellas?  We don't need umbrellas." Trowa explained.

            "Yes you _do_!" The employee looked aghast.  "What would your trip to Disneyland be without an umbrella?  Look," She opened an umbrella for them to see.  "It even has all your favorite Disney characters on it!"

            "We don't want the umbrellas." Quatre's relief was fading fast.  "We just want to get into Disneyland, where we can have a good time!"

            "Not without your umbrellas." The employee folded her arms.

            "What, you're going to force us to buy souvenirs?" Duo was busy inspecting his melting boots again.  "We just don't want them, lady."

            She pouted.  "You guys are ruining it for all the children!  What would they think if they saw you all without your 'magical' umbrellas?"

            "Aw, the kids don't care!" Quatre said.

            "Yes they do!" The employee argued.  "Hey ki~ds!"

            Half a dozen children under the age of ten appeared from behind the booth with the most mournful expressions of all time.

            "What is _this_?" Wufei gestured at the woeful kids.

            "You not gonna buy you'we magicoo umbwellas, mistuhs?" One of the kids let a tear escape from his sparkling eye.

            "Well you see…" Heero began explaining but seemed at a loss against these pitiful youths.

            "How awe they gonna expewience the twue Disney spiwit without the magicoo umbwellas?" Another child burst into a fit of tears.

            "It's an awful lot of money for umbrellas!" Quatre told them timidly.  "They're much cheaper everywhere else!"

            "But _those_ umbwellas awen't magicoo!  They don't have Mickey Mouse on them!  Why don't you wove Mickey Mouse?" All six of the children were crying.

            "Ah heck, Quatre just buy the #$(%^ umbrellas!" Duo threw up his hands.

            "GASP!" The kids looked as though the dirty word had slapped them in the face.  They began screaming nonsensically.

            "Ooops." Duo observed the wailing spectacle.  "Guess I better watch my mouth in here, eh?"

            Wufei twirled his umbrella as he forced his way through a crowd of ecstatic vacationers.  He hadn't been able to glimpse any rides thus far, as the view was always clogged by groups of Disney fans.  "We're never going to be able to find that international spy in here, guys.  It's just too crowded."

            "Oh yeah, the plot!" Duo nodded.  "Why'd the authors make us wait in line for seven hours and forty-two minutes anyway?  Are they cruel?"

            "What's up with that author crap?" Heero looked evil.  "There aren't any authors!  You make this sound like a book or something!"

            "Oh fine, just forget it." Duo sighed.  "Where should we start looking for the international spy anyway?"

            "If I were an international spy, where would I be?" Trowa mumbled.  "Hey wait, we should ask Heero that.  Hey Heero, if you were an international spy, where would you be?"

            "Not at Disneyland." Heero kicked an abandoned Styrofoam glass out of the walkway.  "I'd be at Six Flags… now _that's_ an amusement park."

            "But the letter says that the spy is _here_ in Disneyland." Wufei looked upset.  "Why didn't we get park maps when we got in?"

            "Because they cost even more than the #*&^$* umbrellas!" Duo complained.  Every kid in earshot began screaming nonsensically.

            "Stop swearing." Wufei pointed at Duo.  "This is the 'Happiest Place on Earth!' There is no place for foul-mouthed anime characters such as yourself!"

            "Calm down." Duo twirled around to view almost a hundred youths screaming.  "They're really over reacting, you know that?"

            "Let's keep looking for that spy." Heero suggested.  "How about over there at that food booth?"

            "Uh-uh.  No _way_.  No more lines, Heero." Trowa held up his hands.  "That's at least a two hour wait… and it's for a $50 hotdog."

            "Yeah, let's skip it." Quatre sweatdropped.  "I didn't plan on money being such an issue."

            It was the most amazing looking ride of all time.  Even though you couldn't actually _see_ any of it, but that was beside the point.  Space Mountain, the ultimate in space adventures.  Duo stared at it, hands clasped.

            "What is it?" Heero followed Duo's line of vision.

            "I want to go on _that_!" Duo sighed.

            "You're sounding like a little kid.  Don't forget we're here on a mission.  Now snap out of it."

            Could Space Mountain really be _skipped_?  He would have to think of a way… any way, to ride it.  "I'll bet the international spy is hiding somewhere on Space Mountain!" Duo exclaimed.

            "What kind of crazy spy would hide there?" Wufei looked aggrieved.

            "Think about it!" Duo insisted.  "The crowd is so huge there, it would be almost impossible to pick one person out of it!  It's the perfect place!"

            "So if it's so impossible to find him in there, why should we bother?" Trowa smirked.

            "We have nothing better to go on." Quatre began to look enthusiastic.  "What the heck, let's get in line!"

            Later…

            "Sure, Quatre, let's get in line." Trowa glared dangerously.  "I'm already _sick_ of lines!"

            "At least this line doesn't cost anything." Quatre smiled nervously.  "I'm worried about running out of money here."

            "We're going on Space Mountain!" Duo sang.  "We are going on the best ride, Space Mountain!"

            "No!" Heero scolded.  "We're not here for petty entertainment!  We're hunting an international spy, and if you forget it again, no plush Mickey Mouse for you."

            "Forty-five minutes and thirty-three seconds.  Forty-five minutes and thirty-four seconds.  Forty-five minutes and thirty-five seconds."  
            "Do you _have_ to count, Wufei?" Quatre was trying to fall asleep on the sidewalk.

            "Yes, I must.  I'm bored, and this line is taking too long.  Forty-five minutes and thirty-six seconds."

            "Why would any normal person _pay_ to come and do this?" Trowa despaired.

            "What normal person would pay that _much_ to come and do this?" Quatre looked groggy.  "It's not worth it, I tell you!"

            "You know what?" Duo said.  "I suddenly feel really sorry for those terminal kids whose last wish is to go to Disneyland.  I mean… I'd demand a refund on that wish!"

            "At last!" Heero could spy the end of the line, and people were boarding some cheesy looking spacecrafts.  A few more minutes and he would have lost all faith that the end of the line actually _did_ exist.  "Still no sign of the international spy."

            "Does anybody else have a really weird feeling in the pit of their stomach?" Quatre wobbled a little.  "I think I'm going to throw up!"

            "You're supposed to throw up _after_ the ride, weakling!" Wufei announced.  "Kids these days!"

            "Are you getting nervous or something?" Trowa looked concerned.  "You don't _have_ to go on the ride, you know."

            "But I've been standing in this line for an _hour_!  That would be such a waste!"

            "Suit yourself."

            "But believe me, I do _not_ plan on getting in this line _ever_ again!" Quatre held up his fist with passion.

            "Same here." Heero said.  "I would _never_ wait in this line again."

            "I would self-detonate Deathscythe before standing in this #$(^& line another time!" Duo winced as all the children in the vicinity began screaming nonsensically.

            "Maxwell!" Wufei screamed.  "Stop traumatizing the innocents!"

            "I'm sorry, I'm just getting frustrated.  My boots are melting… _honestly_!  Look at them!"

            "How many are in your group?" An employee asked suddenly.

            "Eh?" Heero turned around.  "You mean we're actually _next_?"

            "You're next!  Now how many?"

            "There are five of us." Heero said suspiciously, as if he didn't trust this event.

            "Are _you_ an international spy!!!!!???!?!?!?!?!" Wufei accused the employee, pointing wildly.

            "No." The cast member replied blandly.

            "Oh… okay." Wufei seemed to forget the moment.

            "Okay?" Duo shook Wufei by the shoulders.  "You don't just accept 'okay' as an answer!  This is serious business remember?"

            "Board the ride, please." The cast member pointed at an empty space ship.  "Have fun and keep your hands and feet inside the shuttle at all times."

            The five squished into various seats happily.  Duo and Wufei took the front seat, Quatre and Trowa took the middle, and Heero sat all alone in the back.

            "Prepare yourselves!" Quatre screamed worriedly.  "This is going to be rough!"

            The shuttle jolted gently, moving gracefully along the track.  The line of people disappeared from sight as the Space Mountain ship proceeded into the inner ride.

            "This is going to be great!" Duo howled.  "This is the best roller coaster ever!"

            "Eeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" Quatre shut his eyes tight.

            "Hey, Quatre…" Trowa looked annoyed.  "The ride hasn't even started yet.  We're going up this big hill first."

            "Oh?" Quatre opened his eyes again to take in the sight.  They were climbing a steep hill, where a blinking red light blinded everybody.

            "Here we go!" Wufei called out like a battle cry.

            And they were off.  After adjusting to the initial speed of the coaster, flailing lights appeared in everyone's peripheral vision.  After a few seconds, the entire area exploded into a frenzy of star and planet shaped lights, moving at least as fast as the ride did.  The first turn tossed everyone to their rights.

            "Eh?" Wufei struggled to see in the dark.  "Everybody!  The international spy has got me!"

            The ride gained velocity for another sharp curve.  Wufei felt the weight of the international spy against him and began strangling him viciously.

            "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Trowa held on to the hand bar as tightly as he could.

            "Are you okay, Trowa?" Quatre spoke, although the coaster whipped around violently.  "This is actually kind of fun!"

            "Worry not!  I've got the international spy in my grasp!" Wufei yelled.

            "Did Wufei just say something?" Quatre wondered as he enjoyed the speed and sights of the ride.

            "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Trowa screamed.

            "Take this you international spy!  And this!  And this!"

            "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

            "Wheeee!"

            "I've _always_ despised international spies!"

            "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

            "This is great!"

            And then the ride was over.  (Not really worth the hour wait, ne?)  The shuttle slowed suddenly and jolted the five passengers roughly.

            "The international spy got away!" Wufei screamed when he found himself empty handed.  "He must still be in the ride!"

            "Whatever." Duo looked stern.

            "Is it over?" Trowa glanced around.  "Who would _build_ such a monstrosity?"

            They exited the ride and followed the moving sidewalk up to the Space Mountain gift shop.  Quatre immediately noticed something of some importance.

            "I would _never_ care to do that again!" Heero moaned.

            "I hated it!" Trowa looked angry that Space Mountain even existed.

            "Look guys!  They took our picture!" Quatre pointed towards a screen, displaying pictures snapped during the course of the speedy ride.  "There we are!"

            The picture showed Heero with an unimpressed look on his face, arms folded tightly against his chest.  In the middle seat, Trowa was screaming pitifully while Quatre's entire face was obscured by his hair.  The front seat was occupied with Wufei, busily strangling Duo.

            "Duo!" Wufei stared at the picture with disbelief.  "_You're_ the international spy?"

            "No!" Duo stomped his foot, which got stuck momentarily to the floor, obviously a result of the melting it had been going through.

            "Oh… okay.  So did the international spy take this picture of us or something?" Wufei demanded.

            "No, I'm pretty sure it's a normal part of the ride." Heero examined his photo with disgust.  "This is a lousy likeness."

            "You can't even see my face!" Quatre sniffled.  "That stinks!"

            "I look like a wimp…" Trowa was surprised.  "We must destroy the evidence!"

            "I want a new picture!" Duo complained.  "Wufei ruined mine."

            "You ruined _my_ picture by pretending to be the international spy!"

            "We have _got_ to get better pictures!" Heero decided, slamming a fist against his palm.  "Let's go on it again!"

            "Okay!" Everybody agreed cheerfully.

A little over an hour later:

            "The line is getting longer." Wufei huffed.  "But this is necessary."

            "How many in your group?" They had reached the front of the line again.

            "There are five of us."

            "Get on board!  Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times, and have a good flight!"

            The gundam pilots seated themselves the same way they had the first time, taking special care to fix their hair and straighten their shirts.

            "Let's get it right this time." Duo put on his best smile, and displayed the 'hang-loose' sign with both his hands.  "So when exactly do they take the picture?"

            "I'm not sure." Heero answered as they ascended the first hill.  "We'd better hold our poses for the whole ride just in case."

            "That's a plan." Quatre held up one hand in a wave.

            So they rode the whole thing again, staying in their poses all along just to make sure the picture would turn out better.  (Yes, they waited in line again for a stinking picture.)

            "Look!  There's the picture!" Trowa ran into the gift shop to inspect the new snapshot.

            "That's more like it!" Duo leaned in for a closer look, nearly smashing his nose against the screen.

            The picture had Duo and Wufei sticking their tongues out making hang-loose signs, Quatre in the middle waving while Trowa was obviously just trying to keep a straight face without screaming.  Heero looked exactly the same as the last pic.

            "Ah, much better." Heero approved.

            "Uh, Heero…" Duo scrutinized Heero's likeness.  "That looks _exactly_ the same as last time!"

            "It does _not_!  This is a huge improvement!  I can't believe you can't tell the difference." Heero looked insulted.

            "Let's buy it!" Trowa suggested.

            "Uh… okay." Quatre approached the gift shop counter and asked how much the picture would cost.

            "$23.50!" Came the reply.

            "Oh, that's not _that_ bad!" Quatre reached for a credit card.

            "Plus," The cashier added shrewdly.  "A $50 tax for unique poses."

            "What?  You're charging us for posing on the ride?"

            "Naturally!  That comes to $73.50."

            "Uhm… okay."

            "Plus," Quatre paled at the addition.  "A complimentary frame!" The cashier showed him the finished result.

            "Phew… I thought I was going to have to pay some other kind of weird tax.  Thanks very much!"

            "And thank _you_!" The cashier pointed at a little box with the word 'tips' painted on the side.

            "Oh." Quatre slipped a few dollars into the box and ran out of the gift shop before some other moneymaking scheme was used against him.

            "Man!" Duo looked downward.  "The leather is _bubbling_!  Look at the way my boots are _melting_, guys!  It's the heat!"

            "Look!" Quatre pointed.  "An arcade!  Maybe the international spy is in there?"

            "Why do you think that?" Wufei was looking at the Space Mountain picture amorously.

            "Because you can find all _kinds_ of weirdos in arcades!  Let's go!" Quatre led the group to the bustling arcade, searching for anyone suspicious enough to warrant Wufei's forward-style interrogation.

            "Are _you_ an international spy?" Wufei asked someone playing Skeet-Ball.

            "No."

            "Are you a spy?" Duo queried an older couple.

            "You did it wrong!" Wufei raged.  "Are you an _international spy_!?"

            "No, we're not." The couple exhaled.

            "Are you a… oh my gosh!" Duo paled.  "It's a #^&*$%^(* DDR Machine!"  Groups of children began screaming nonsensically.

            "A what?" Trowa looked at the game in question.

            "It's Dance Dance Revolution!" They approached the strange arcade game timidly.

            "What's it do?" Trowa gave the current kids playing DDR an evil look.

            "You play it with your feet!" Duo said.  "You hit the arrows when you're supposed to… it's really cool!"

            "Okay… let's do it!" Trowa shoved the players off of the game.

            "Hey!  We were using that!" The gamers whined.

            "Alright!" Duo hopped onto one of the dancing mats, rubbing his hands together.  "You're going _down_, Trowa!"

            "Hm." Trowa commanded the game to begin a song.

            "What are they doing?" Heero saw Duo and Trowa from across the arcade, jumping rapidly on a device of some kind… and they were synchronized, too!  Heero shrugged and returned to his own game of Deer Hunting USA.  The deer didn't stand a chance.

            "Hey, they're playing Dance Dance Revolution!" Quatre noticed.  "That's cool.  I wanna do it.  It's rude they didn't invite me."

            "Quatre!" Duo suddenly jumped off the DDR control pad and approached Quatre, visibly putting some effort into lifting his melting boots.

            "Oh!  Are you going to invite me to play?" The other pilot smiled joyfully.

            "No!" Duo held his hand out expectantly. "The game's over!  I need some &#^$*(# money!!!"

            (insert nonsensical screaming from traumatized children here)

            "You want money!?"

            "Come on!  It's _DDR_!  It's only two dollars a game… per person… per song… it's really not that much!  I've got to play it!"

            "Fine.  Here you go." Quatre watched Duo leave with his cash, wondering why nobody wanted him to play.

            "Okay, we won't tie this time!" Duo stepped back onto the pad and addressed Trowa.  "I'm going to _beat_ you!"

            "Fine.  Let's do this one." Trowa selected a song and set it to the Expert difficulty setting.  The screen displayed the word 'catastrophic' and was accompanied by nine feet.

            "Er… Trowa, don't you think that's a little hard for the second time we've _ever_ played this game?" Duo pointed at the game.

            "This is simple." Trowa pushed the accept button.  "For me anyway."

            "Oh yeah?!  I can do this, too!" Duo insisted as he prepared to dance.

            At first, everything seemed okay.  Arrows scrolled to the top of the screen, and the gundam pilots stomped on the mat easily, scoring 'greats' and 'perfects.'

            "You're right!  This isn't so bad!"

            There was a brief pause, in which no arrows appeared.  Suddenly, a horde of eighth note arrows bolted to the top of the screen, and the tempo increased by at least three times.

            "AHHHHHHHH!" Trowa exclaimed as he tried to keep up with the insane beat.

            "#*&$*%^(&@*$^&*" Duo's feet began to tangle with the difficult steps.  A bunch of kids evacuated the arcade, screaming nonsensically.

            The step combinations were unbelievable, rushing the two surprised dancers into making a lot of mistakes.  Within a few more moments, the word 'failed' absorbed the arrows and the game was _over_!

            "We lost?" Duo panted.

            "That was a _weak_ dance!" Wufei had approached.

            "We're just not ready for catastrophic." Trowa still looked dizzy.

            "Yeah, and if it's _that_ weak, why don't you show us how it's done?" Duo snarled.

            "Of course!  But I'll need some cash… oh _QUATRE_!"

            Wufei inserted the (too much) money into the machine and prepared to play the game.  He stood stiffly, testing the arrows almost timidly.

            "Pick a hard song!" Duo suggested.

            "I'll pick whatever song I _like_, you!" Wufei scrolled through the song list and found 'Silent Hill.'  "This is a great song!  I'll dance this!"

            "That's a slow song!" Trowa looked unhappy.  "We were doing harder ones!"

            "Well _I'm_ doing _this_ one!" Wufei pressed the green accept and began dancing… slowly.  (Silent Hill is _soooo_ slow!)

            "BOOOOO!" Duo and Trowa stomped their feet.

            Wufei stepped happily, easily making all the simple step combinations.  "Watch a _pro_, weaklings!  I am the dancing king!"

            "Hmph." Trowa looked disgusted.

            Wufei beamed as he perfected the last step and reveled in his 'triple A' grade.  "What were you two complaining about?  This is the simplest thing… for _me_!  What do you have to say for yourselves?"

            "YOU SUCK!" Duo and Trowa reclaimed their spots on the game.  "_This_ is how you do it."

            Duo purposefully picked a catastrophic song and prepared for another intense workout.  The arrows began their incredible ascent, blurring with sheer speed.

            "Whoa!" Trowa noticed a pattern in the dance steps.  "It goes like this and then it's easier."

            "Oh," Duo agreed.  "That _is_ better!"

            The pair began dancing more professionally.  Wufei shook his fist demandingly.  "You're not _doing_ it right!  I was better!"

            "Stuff it!" Duo completed a series of difficult jumps.  "Your song was _so_ much easier than this!" Duo stomped extra hard to prove his point.  * SQUISH *

            Suddenly, the right side of the screen began displaying a bunch of 'boos,' declaring Duo wasn't hitting any of the arrows at all.

            "What happened?" Trowa glanced from his own side momentarily.

            "I'm STUCK!" The other dancer wailed.  "My boots melted onto the arrows!  I can't MOVE!"

            "This is a pitiful performance!" Wufei said angrily.

            In a moment, the game informed the two participants that Trowa had gotten a B, and Duo had failed.

            "See!?  I'm _better_!" Wufei laughed hysterically.

            "That's not true." Trowa explained.  "We're actually better because we cleared a harder song.  You would fail this song."

            "I would not!  I would get a triple A grade!"

            "Oh yeah?  I challenge you!"

            "Okay, move over Maxwell!" Wufei shoved Duo aggressively, but he didn't budge an inch.

            "Stop that!  I'm stuck here!  I _told_ you my shoes were melting but nobody cared!  NOW LOOK!" Duo crossed his arms, looking angry (and stupid).

            "Well _un_stick." The other demanded, folding his arms as well.

            "Duh… I _can't_!" The god of death stuck his tongue out.

            "You've ruined DDR!" Trowa realized.  "You BROKE it!"

            "You're blaming this on me?"

            "Well, you're the one preventing anybody from playing the game!  This was the only thing worth coming to Disneyland _for_, and you ruined it!"

            "Tsk tsk, Maxwell." Wufei looked ashamed.

            The three stared at each other helplessly.  The DDR machine continued to sing merrily.  Heero laughed as another deer fell to his prowess.

            "This has been a crappy day." Duo sniffled.  "I hate Disneyland."

            A couple of kids considered screaming nonsensically, but decided it wasn't worth it.


	2. More fun than a gaggle of Goofys

Chapter Nine

            "We have to keep looking." Wufei looked tired, and immensely not jolly.  "If we don't find the international spy, then… what'll happen?"

            "Then this story will never end." Quatre was doodling figures in his checkbook frantically.  "And I'll go broke!  The authors wouldn't let that happen, would they?"

            "Now you're sounding like Duo." Heero sighed.  "This isn't a story, and there are no authors!!"

            "Whatever… but there'll be no _digits_ left in my bank account regardless."

            "So where should we try next?" Wufei glanced back at the arcade, disgusted that Trowa had decided to stay and play that ridiculous game.  Of course, Duo had no choice in the matter.  "I think the arcade is pretty well staked out."

            "What's a big Disneyland attraction?" Heero asked, unknowledgeable about such things.

            "The electrical parade." Quatre offered, scribbling some more numbers in a book.  "The firework display.  The people dressed up in the funny suits."

            "What about a _place_… a specific ride or something?"

            "Well _everything_ in Disneyland is so memorable!" Quatre snapped the book shut and looked around the park wearily.  Groups of people hustled around the fake streets as if there was a fire somewhere.  In reality, they were all just hurrying to the next line.

            "It's getting late… someone must have _some_ idea!" Wufei snorted as some child's balloon hit him in the face.

            "Pirates of the Caribbean." Quatre suggested.

            "That's on the other side of the park." Heero didn't seem interested in trekking across the expanses of cartoon towns.

            "It's a Small World?" The blonde said.

            "No it's not!" Wufei popped the balloon and whistled innocently.  "This is not a small world… this place is freaking big!"

            "No." Quatre's patience was always impressive.  "The _ride_.  It's called: It's a Small World.  It's one of the most famous rides in this place.  Everybody's been on it sometime in their life."

            "Is it close?" Heero apparently had tired feet.

            "It's right there!" Quatre pointed helpfully.  "And there's practically _no_ line!"

            "No line?" Heero and Wufei exchanged a look.  "Let's go!"

            "Too joyful."

            "Live with it."

            "Too joyful."

            "It's Disneyland after all!"

            "Too joyful." Heero was suffering an overload of joyful surroundings.

            "It'll all be over in a minute." Wufei was cringing at the little Small World boat that he, Heero and Quatre were boarding.  Chirpy music filled their ears, emitting from the strange cranking building… was that building _smiling_ at them?

            "Have a great time!" The employee smiled a trite smile.

            "Let me out!  I don't want to go on this ride!" Heero pleaded.

            "This ride isn't scary." The employee sympathized.  "Little kids go on this all the time and they're fine!"

            "What is _wrong_ with today's generation!?" Heero sobbed.  "This is so traumatizing!"

            The boat cruised into a dark opening and…

            "It's a Small World, after all!" A line of puppets sang and danced.  The three pilots were immediately engulfed in an artificial world, inhabited by Walt Disney's greatest creation: dancing, singing, munchkins.

            "Just as I thought!" Heero gasped.  "Dancing, singing, munchkins!"

            "Oh, it's just a cute little ride!" Quatre observed.  "This is a good one for kids!"

            "Take _this_!" Heero suddenly was standing up in the boat, aiming a gun at several of the children replicas.

            "No!" Wufei warned.  "That's a _bad_ idea!"

            Spontaneously, a caroling puppet exploded into a heap of painted wood, raining down onto some dancing puppets.

            "Hahahahahahhahaahhahahaha!" Heero stopped to enjoy the carnage, planning his next target.

            BANG BANG BANG!  Three donkey-riding puppets fell over, one after another.  A random banjo was blasted out of the hand of a puppet with a sombrero.

            "Nooooooooo!" Quatre wailed in slow motion.  His arms also flailed in slow motion.

            An entire igloo was disassembled by Heero's proficiency.  One ice block at a time, the puppet underneath was exposed, continuing the cheerful singing.  A fish was blasted off a fishing pole, a fishing pole was blasted out of a puppet's hand, and finally, a puppet's hand was blasted into oblivion.

            "This is just _wrong_." Wufei grumbled.

            The Eiffel Tower toppled over after a few well-placed hand grenades detonated.  A brightly colored blimp began spiraling towards the ground, flaming with the impact of a puppet's disembodied head.  Several more puppets met a sad fate at the bottom of the river.

            Quatre continued to protest in slow motion.

            Heero decimated a row of palm trees, reveling in the leafy, burnt smudges they left behind.  The hula-dancers were not far behind, being flung into the distant Hawaiian volcano.  Some fancy looking birds fell from their doomed perches, moving mechanically as they splashed into the water.  Before the boat left the island, the volcano toppled onto the whole area, creating a set of flames.

            During the whole massacre, the gunshots never ended… not even after all the bullets should have been used up.  (Heero's pretty special, I guess.)  A disembodied arm fell into the rear of the boat, knocking Quatre back into his seat… in slow motion.  Wufei looked at him drowsily.  "Do you _have_ to be doing the slow motion thing right now?"

            "Hhhhheeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooo, nnnnooooooooooooooooooo!" Quatre continued his slow mo routine.

            "Aw geez, now you're sounding just like Relena."

            In the near distance, the end of the musical ride could be seen.  Wufei decided that now would be an ideal time to practice his 'innocent' look.  Heero sat down, satisfied, if a little traumatized by the previous sights.

            The boat careened into the open air, leaving It's a Small World and its battered inhabitants behind.  Quatre avoided making eye contact with the ride attendant as they exited the watercraft.

            "Was that really necessary!?" Quatre hissed when they were out of earshot of any employees.

            "It had to be done." Heero looked serious.  "Did you see the monsters that were _in_ there?"

            "This is a waste of time!" Wufei complained.

            Just then, the next boat emerged from the Small World ride.  Four kids were crying pathetically, seeming to gesture to the sky: "Why?  Why the Small World, WHY!?"

            "More crying kids…" Wufei complained again.

            "And Duo's not even here." Quatre said.  "Hey guys… do you think those umbrellas might have been worth it after all?  Maybe everybody wouldn't be crying all over the place if we hadn't thrown them out."

            Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect.

            "I'm getting good." Trowa announced.  "This game is pretty easy once you get the hang of it.

            Duo glared evilly as he tried to pull his feet out of the melted boots.  "It's also pretty easy when your shoes aren't _stuck_ to the board!"

            "You're just jealous." Trowa began a new song.  "Because you are not the dancing king like I am."

            "Oh is _that_ it?" Duo temporarily gave up and stood still.  "Why won't anybody in Disneyland HELP me?  I'm STUCK!"

            Nobody looked and Trowa kept dancing.

            "It's getting dark." Heero noticed.  "Maybe this was a stupid idea.  We haven't discovered _anything_."

            "And we don't know where to look… and hardly know what to look for." Quatre looked at some rude kids who bumped him as they went by.  "And I'm SICK of it here!"

            "Yes!  Let's leave!" Wufei said brilliantly.  "We'll never find the international spy at this rate… and why _should_ we?"

            "Because," The blond pilot sighed. "The authors obviously have something planned for us… RIGHT AUTHORS?"

            "I think he's totally lost it." Heero looked sad.

            "I agree." Wufei said.  "Who would _write_ something like this anyway?"

            "Whatever," Heero got up.  "Seeing as how the park will be closing in a few hours, I think it would be best if we split up to cover more ground.  I'm heading to this… Pirates of the Caribbean you speak of."

            "No!" Quatre threw up his arms.  "I'LL take Pirates of the Caribbean.  You take some place without dancing, singing, munchkins."

            "I'm going to that colorful place over there." Wufei decided.  "It's one of the only places we haven't been."

            "If I can't go to the Pirates of the Caribbean," Heero snorted.  "Where will I go?"

            "Just avoid dancing, singing, munchkins.  You've had your fill for the day, I think." Quatre left the trio to stake out the Pirates ride.

            "Fine." Heero watched Wufei leave.  "Then I'll just go… THIS way!"

            "Buy a postcard, kid?" A street vendor approached Quatre aggressively.

            "No thank you." Quatre continued marching determinedly.

            "Hey buddy, how about some freshly popped Disneyland popcorn?" Another salesman gestured to his popcorn booth, smiling full-force.

            "I'm not interested." Quatre lowered his head, hoping that the vendors would be discouraged from throwing him a sales pitch if he didn't make eye contact.

            "Hey you, wanna buy some Donald Duck sunglasses?" Obviously, the no eye contact thing wasn't working.

            Quatre looked up, giving the vendor a serious expression.  "Are you serious?  I don't need _sunglasses_… it's evening."

            "I didn't say _sunglasses_!" The man looked insulted.  "These are _Donald Duck_ sunglasses."

            "Which are also completely useless to me right now." The gundam pilot escaped quickly, just in case crying kids were used against his wallet again.  "I can understand game shows, crossovers, even insane author stories." He stopped and looked heavenward.  "But you authors have CROSSED THE LINE THIS TIME!  What are the chances of me actually _finding_ this international Spy?  Give me a SIGN!"

            Somewhere infinitely far away, somebody stopped typing and rethought her actions.  She looked at her trusty co-author.  "He's right you know.  We haven't given them any decent clues."

            "Aw, they're smart enough!" The Gundam Wing Fan decided, proofreading previous pages of this story.  "Do you know you have a habit of omitting L's, T's, and R's?"

            Elly considered.  "Hey, this keyboard's old… sometimes it sticks!  So I miss an L or two, here and there."

            "If you really want to tell Quatre, go ahead." Fan circled another word, noticeably missing an R.

            Quatre watched in disbelief, as a wooden sign descended from the sky, glowing angelically.  Some words were etched, reading: "We'e soy.  He inenaiona spy is a he ohe side of he pak.  Pease fogive cappy message, ou keyboad is boken.  Signed, Ey and he Gundam Wing Fan."

            "What the heck?" Quatre examined the sign.  "Is this supposed to be English?" He tried sounding out some of the incomplete words.  "Inenaiona spy is a he?"

            Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect.

            "Oh yeah, the dancing king.  I'm rocking." Trowa free styled on the DDR machine.  He had drawn quite a crowd at this point.

            "I'm the dancing king!" Duo repeated in a mocking voice.  He was sitting on the arcade floor, shoeless.

            Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect.

            "That guy is _good_!" Praise emitted from the crowd, ranging from simple acknowledgments to downright worship.

            "Yep, yep, yep." Trowa executed a difficult sequence, thrilling his fans.

            Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, great.

            "WHAAAAAAAT?" A young girl shrieked.  "Did anybody else see that?"

            "He scored a great?  How can this be?" The clapping horde turned into a murmuring mass.

            "The all-mighty dancing king didn't get all perfects?"

            "He's an imposter!"

            "Get him OUT of here!"

            Trowa watched in puzzlement as the flock picked him up and deposited him outside the arcade.

            "What're you doing?" Trowa asked.

            "Oh LOOOOOOOK!" The same young girl shrieked again and the drove returned to hovering around the DDR game.

            Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect.

            Trowa joined the mob as they watched somebody new scoring perfects on _his_ machine!  It was Duo… minus boots.

            Wufei was taking pictures of families, against his will.  He had somehow made his way into the infamous Toon Town, complete with loads of picture opportunities.  Before he knew what was happening, he had been asked to snap a picture of some twins, posing with a statue of some Disney movie character.

            "Our turn!" An ecstatic mother handed Wufei what appeared to be an expensive camera.  "Make sure you get us all in the shot!"

            Click.  "There you go." Wufei handed back the camera and was instantly rewarded with another.  A new family arranged themselves around the statue.

            "Oh no honey," The new mother pointed at Wufei.  "Don't take a picture from my left side, everybody knows that's my bad side."

            Click.

            "Now what did I just tell you, darling?" The mother refused to take the camera from Wufei.  "You got me from my _bad_ side… take another one and make sure I'm looking my best!"

            Wufei narrowed his eyes ruthlessly.  "I don't even work here you know."

            "Oh?  Then why are you taking pictures?"

            "Because I'm outnumbered, so it seemed logical to follow the crowd."  (Hmm.  Very Vulcan-esque, ne?)

            "What_ever_ honey, just take a nice picture."

            Click.

            "Sweetie, the flash didn't work."

            Click.

            "No close-ups, I'm having a bad complexion day!"

            Click.

            "Now you're too far away… are you _sure_ you're a professional?"

            "I just finished telling you, this wasn't my idea." Wufei knelt on one knee, trying desperately to get a suitable shot.  "I've never even _used_ a camera before today!"

            "Mom, stop being so picky!" The daughter exclaimed.

            Click.

            "Sweetheart, I blinked… take another one."

            Click.

            "Now _what_ did I just tell you about my left side?"

            Wufei seethed.  "Your left side is acceptable, ma'am."

            She gave him a weary glare.  "Now _I_ would know about that better than _you_ would, wouldn't I?  You just said you have no experience in photography."

            Click.

            "Don't put that in your _mouth_!" The mother gasped and snatched some random thing from her daughter's hand.  "Oh!" She turned back to Wufei.  "I'm really sorry, let's take another one, okay?"

            "Can't do it." Wufei looked relieved.  "The camera is out of film." He handed the rewinding camera back to his tormentor.

            "Oh don't you worry about _that_!" She patted his head, too many bracelets jingling obnoxiously.  "I've brought _plenty_ of film!  After all, this is a _vacation_!"

            Heero trekked bravely across the expanses of this torture-chamber, this execution ground, this hopeless void that was Disneyland.  Night had settled over the park, and he was in constant fear that a dancing, singing, munchkin would leap out of a darkened corner any moment, intent on turning him into one of their kind.

            "I need to find a sanctuary… some line that dancing, singing, munchkins won't cross." His eyes lit as they fell across an old white mansion, spooky in exterior.  "I'll bet there isn't anything frightening in _there_!" He almost let an uncharacteristic chuckle escape him as he padded to his newfound sanctum.

            Quatre scratched his head, still examining the 'sign from heaven.'  "It's signed Ey and He Gundam Wing Fan.  Those authors!"

            (insert canned screaming and gasping here)

            "Don't you guys think you're taking me a little too literally?" Quatre again berated the sky.  "I asked for a sign, and _yes_… this _is_ a sign, but I kind of had something else in mind!"

            Another sign drifted earthward, much smaller than the first one.  "Ike wha?"

            "Ike wh… like what?" Quatre translated.  All the vendors were peering at him with concern, wondering what was wrong with the crazy kid.  "Well maybe," He continued speaking to the sign.  "Maybe something a little bit more straightforward than a wooden sign!"

            A Pepsi can rolled against his feet and he picked it up.  It had words on it, too: "Is his bee?"

            "No, this is Pepsi." Quatre answered the query, much to the growing amusement of the street vendors.

            "Fix the keyboard, this is ridiculous!" Fan ordered.

            "You're the one who spilled the drink of authors on this thing." Elly was shaking the keyboard upside-down, trying to unstick the three keys.

            "Ah yes… the drink of authors." Fan ran out of the office suddenly and returned with two Diet Cokes.

            "There!" Elly sat the keyboard back down.  "It's working again."

            Quatre blushed as a leaf blew into his hair.  An amused audience surrounded him.

            "What's that one say?" They laughed.

            He plucked the leaf miserably and sure enough, discovered words on its surface.  "It says: We meant to say, 'is this better,' not 'Is his bee.'  Well that _does_ make more sense… what about the other signs?"

            The observers apparently found that funny, they chuckled merrily.

            "Hey buddy, can you read my shoe for me?  Or how about this rock?" Some wise guy laughed louder than the rest.

            "_Those_ aren't messages." Quatre said.

            The laughing resumed.

            "Someone get those boots off that other mat." Trowa glared daggers at Duo, his foe.  "I'm challenging you to a dance-off, Duo!"

            "They won't come off." Someone explained after trying to ply the sagging, melted footwear off the pad.  "You're going to have to dance around them."

            "I accept your challenge!" Duo turned his pointy nose upward.  "But you'll have to dance on the 'boot' side.  The other side is better luck for me."

            Trowa sighed.  "Fine, I'll take the 'boot' handicap, because I _know_ I can beat you."

            They glared for a good thirty seconds longer before inserting their money into the arcade game.  Duo picked _Boom Boom Dollar_ and smashed the accept button confidently.  They agreed on attempting the 'Maniac' version of the song, snuffling about how it would be the only way to _truly_ test their skills.

            "Yay!" Some random excited dude exclaimed at their courageous choice of difficulty.

            Again, the arrows climbed their way to the top of the screen, accompanying music blaring uncomfortably.  The two 'experts' danced with flair, trying to look more talented than the other competitor.

            "Yay!"

            Duo glanced toward Trowa's feet, and realized – grimly – that Trowa was actually rather gifted.  "Dang… he _rocks_!"

            Trowa also noticed that Duo's feet were equally specialized in the dance steps.  "Dang… he's as good as I am."

            "Yay!"

            Duo began to scheme brilliantly, exploring different ways to outdo his enemy's skill.  He experimented in shifting his center of balance, and soon discovered (gasp) that with a bit of foresight, he could turn around and perform parts of the dance with his back to the screen, and various other tricks.

            The spiky-haired pilot noticed Duo's new discoveries.  He raged inwardly for a moment and then tried imitating some of the inventive steps.

            "Yay!"

            "Stop copying me!" Duo snorted.  Trowa did not desist, so he began free styling to the extent of his abilities.  He began hitting some of the arrow buttons with his hands and knees… just to be fancy.

            "I'm not copying you." Trowa sighed.  He decided to implement some of his circus skills into the duel.  In a spirited moment, he twirled a few times in the air before landing some of the steps.

            "Yay!"

            "Stop showing off!" Duo said angrily, disrupting Trowa's twirl with a furious shove.

            Trowa concentrated on regaining his balance after the un-sportsmanlike display.  He offered a firm shove back.

            Duo almost missed a step, which angered him greatly.  He turned away from the screen (still dancing perfects) to award a whole-hearted punch to the other side of the game.

            "Yay!"

            This actually knocked Trowa off the platform.  He leapt back on, looking undignified.  With a serious look on his face, he began swinging at Duo, still dancing.

            "Hey, stop that!" Duo blocked the flurry of punches, trying to return some blows _and_ win the Dance Dance Revolution duel.

            "You started it!" Trowa continued fighting him.  "I was here _first_!  You missed a step!"

            "NO!  You made me get a 'boo!'  I'll show you!"

            "Yay!"

            Suddenly, the focus of the challenge shifted towards inflicting physical damage upon one another, rather than dancing perfects (although that hadn't been entirely given up either).

            Trowa delivered a devastating blow onto Duo's nose, knocking him backwards a few steps.  He took the chance to advance onto Duo's platform, while Duo slinked away onto Trowa's.

            "They are _good_!  Who choreographs this stuff?" A worshipper announced.

            The scuffle became more intense, and the pair stomped on the machine viciously, still trying to come out on top as far as the dance was concerned.

            STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP, BITE!  "Hey, that's not fair!"

            STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP!  The machine began to sizzle from the effort being smashed upon it.  Smoke wafted from different vents in the arcade equipment.

            "Yay!"

            Duo lunged suddenly, landing on the other platform again but completely missing Trowa as he sidestepped back onto his original side.  They both glared evilly while tapping out _Boom Boom Dollar_'s addictive rhythm.  The machine whined painfully.

            "Stop dodging, you!" Duo pointed as he performed a knee-drop and then turned a 360 on his dance mat.

            "Stop dancing like a wimp!" Trowa retorted.  He landed a series of eighth notes and proceeded to twirl rapidly.

            Duo began stomping even more energetically after witnessing Trowa's prowess in acrobatics.  Trowa also began stomping violently.  The machine was screaming from the pounding.

            "Yay!"

            STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP!

            "Boom, boom, boom, boom…" The lyrics emitted from the machine as the song reached its climactic end.

            STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP!

            "Boom, boom, boom…" BOOM!  The machine had seen its last stomp, and imploded (as opposed to exploded) into a small pile of colorful metal.  All this in a few milliseconds.

            "Yay!"

            Duo and Trowa stared blankly.  "Uh-oh… now we'll never know who _won_!"

            "Forget that!  What if they make us _pay_ for this!?"

            In true 'perfect timing,' the manager entered _just then_.  He marched into the room, making sure everybody noticed the large tag on his shirt declaring him manager.  He stopped in front of the ravaged DDR console and eyed the gundam pilots suspiciously.  His gaze could very well have reduced the shameful cosmos into bleak nothingness.

            "Listen… uh… we can explain this." Trowa gestured to the destruction behind him.

            "I certainly hope so." The manager stomped his foot menacingly.

            "We've got a friend who can take care of the bill." Duo offered quickly, sweatdropping.

            "Bill?" The manager raised a sinister eyebrow.

            "For the game." Trowa added meekly.  "How much does it cost… we'll replace it."

            The frightening gaze glanced across the Dance Dance Revolution game, contemplating slowly.  "Can't either of you _read_?"

            "Eh?" They both nodded slowly.

            "Then why…" He leaned forward with evil intent.  "Are you… _shoeless_!!!!!"

            Duo glanced foot-ward, watching his toes wiggling inside his striped socks.  "You're upset because I'm in sock feet?"

            "The sign right outside…" The manager folded his arms and menaced.  "States, in complete clarity, that 'no shirt, no shoes, no service'!"

            "What about DDR?" Trowa ventured.

            "Trowa, shut _up_!" Duo hissed.  "Well sir," He turned back to the manager.  "My shoes met quite an unfortunate fate… they're part of this grease stain right here."

            "No excuse… OUT!"

            The pilots fled, forgetting their previous disagreement in the common goal of escaping the world's scariest manager.


	3. More fun than a drove of Donald Ducks

Chapter Three-Million, Six-Hundred-Thousand and Two

            Some employees escorted Heero into the ghost mansion; all warning him that what awaited was quite frightening.

            "Whatever… just as long as there aren't any dancing, singing, munchkins."

            He found himself in a quaint elevator, portraits arranged symmetrically around the premises.  Other Disneyland adventurers were also crowded in with him, pointing and whispering about the sights and sounds of the spooky place.

            "This is more like it." Heero half-closed his eyes as he relaxed.

            An ominously deep voice began speaking to the elevator passengers through some kind of speaker system.  "Welcome to the haunted mansion!  There are over 999 happy haunts living here, but there's room for a thousand!  Any… volunteers?  Bwa ha ha ha!"

            Heero raised his hand in interest.  "That sounds amusing."

            The other occupants laughed at his oblivion.  The lights suddenly went out.  A high-pitched scream filled the area.

            "Thank goodness." Heero settled down when he heard the terrified cry.  "At least not _all_ of Disneyland is crazy."

            The lights flickered back on hesitantly and the elevator began its descent downward.  The bottom half of the portraits on the walls were exposed as the walls shifted, revealing grisly deaths in the cards for the subjects portrayed between the frames.

            "Lovely!" Heero clasped his hands, while the other families gasped at the horror.

            The elevator moved as far as it was going to, and some doors opened into a new hallway.  The crowd marched into their next room of amusement, Heero trailing.

            "I wonder if this house is for sale?" He mused to himself as he admired a cobweb.  Suddenly, he noticed a bust of a cranky looking fellow.  It seemed to Heero, that no matter where he moved, the bust's eyes followed him.

            "Mommy, what's that?" A child pointed at the statue in question.

            "An optical illusion." The mother informed cheerfully.

            Heero watched the pair with pity.  "I do not think so." He dashed to one side, awarded with the unending gaze of the cranky looking fellow.

            "I see you are challenging me!" The pilot finally concluded.  "But be warned, I have never lost a staring contest!" He put his face close to the image of the cranky looking fellow and… stared.  After a while, he bobbed his head from side to side to make sure his opponent hadn't fallen asleep with his eyes open.  The eyes followed, alluding that this entity was wide-awake.

            "How do you do that, man?" Heero blinked in defeat.  "Weren't you born with eyelids?" He shook his head, and thus, the bust's head shook too.  "You _weren't_ born with eyelids?" Heero responded to the headshake.  "In that case, excuse me, I didn't mean to offend." The staring continued.

            "This is going to _have_ to be settled, one way or another." Heero explained.  "I challenge you to a duel!" The patient gazing didn't fluctuate.  "I'll take you on!" Stare, stare, stare.  "Do you carry any type of weapon?" Unabated staring.  "This is getting rather tedious, cranky looking fellow."

            "Uh… sir…" An employee had approached.

            "What?  This is between him and me!" Heero held both his unopened hands towards the optical illusion.

            "That's just a prop…"

            "No… this a rather cranky fellow… and he's _offended_ me!  He won't stop _looking_ at me!"

            "He does that to everyone." The employee laughed.  "See, he's even looking at _me_ right now!"

            Heero shook his head sadly.  "No he's not, my delusional friend.  How can he be looking at you when he is _clearly_ looking at me!"

            "It's just an illusion… it's supposed to do that."

            "Well it shouldn't!  Tell him to stop or I'm going to take it personally!"

            The employee guy looked miserable.  "It's not _real_!  Why don't you come see the rest of the ride so we can let in the next group?  You're holding up the line."

            Heero sighed, but made his way down the hallway, glaring at the bust until he was out of sight.

            Wufei was cranky again.  He was wandering across Toon Town in the darkness, all alone.  He had questioned some suspicious folk about the international spy, but had been severely disappointed.  There was no sign of _anything_ approaching sinister in this cheery zone.  He was about to give up all hope, when…

            "Chatter, chatter, chatter!" An unintelligible stream of blabbering was heard somewhere in the darkness.

            "Who's there?" Wufei peered into the depths.  "I knew it!  You're the international spy, aren't you?"

            "Blabber, chatter, chatter?"

            "Oh… you're not, huh?" Wufei continued to stare into the unknown, wondering who owned this high-pitched voice.

            "Chatter." Two hulking figures moved into eye range.  Their heads seemed greatly disproportioned to the rest of their bodies.

            "Well," The gundam pilot continued.  "If you're not international spies… what are you?"

            "Chatter, chatter."

            "Chip and Dale?" Wufei looked stumped.  "Who are… Chip and Dale?"

            Both chipmunks put their paws on their big heads and wailed, hurt that they weren't recognized.  "Blabber, chatter, blubber?"

            "No, I've never watched the Disney channel.  It is for _weaklings_!"

            "Blubber, chatter, bink?"

            "No, there's nothing you could ever say to change my mind." He considered sticking his tongue out at the despaired duo, but thought better of it.

            "Chatter, chatter, bink… chatter?"

            Wufei suddenly was made aware of how serious this could become.  "NO!  Not even a…. (shudder)… _group hug_ would change my mind!"

            Chip and Dale discontinued the conversation, opting to charge Wufei with a big Disney group hug.

            "NO!" The pilot struggled.  "Anything but this!  Get off of me you inarticulate rodents!"

            "Chatter, chatter!" They purred happily.

            "Help!" Wufei was bonked by Dale's red nose.  "You're taking your job _way_ too seriously!  You are not the real Chip and Dale, so you don't have to act like complete idiots!"

            Children began screaming nonsensically at that little revelation.  "They aren't the _real_ Chip and Dale?  Wahhhhhh!"

            "Argh," Wufei moaned.  "Now look what you've done!  Look at all those disheartened youths!  Feel the shame!"

            "Chatter…" Chip didn't seem too affected.  "Chat-oo." That seemed to be the equivalent to an "oh well, who cares."

            "So where _is_ the international spy?" Quatre had resolved to finish the conversation with the authors in a safer spot, hiding behind a popcorn stand.  Not to mention, this was convenient for the authors, since they had a plethora of objects to communicate with.

            "H." Quatre plucked a single popcorn from a bag he had just overpaid for.  "E." He chose another piece and threw it behind his shoulder after reading the letter it contained.  "I… S… Hey… this is kind of slow progress don't you think?" He took a break from the popcorn to say the last part.  "I mean… we're not going to get _anywhere_ with you spelling this all out one letter at a time, are we?"

            "OK." The next two popcorns agreed.

            "Since you're writing this… can't you just do some supernatural stuff and make this a little easier… and _faster_?"

            "He asks for so much." The Gundam Wing Fan grieved.  "He doesn't understand the value of suspense… even in a parody."

            Elly frowned.  "I know… but this is twenty-one pages already.  Why don't we just comply and let him finish this plot?"

            "It's just not good authoring." Fan huffed.  "But I guess we should stay on good terms with our characters?  Who would we write about if they quit?"

            "Do you think we should just give him the whole plot then?"

            Fan nodded.

            Quatre had become accustomed to the pauses in between his conversations with the all-mighty-authors.  He assumed they were either running to the kitchen to grab a snack, or having an intense conversation between themselves.  Anyway, there was nothing to do but wait.  He threw some pricey popcorn in his mouth lazily.

            "Blam!" Just then, a pile of papers fell to the pavement, stapled together neatly.

            "I take it this is for me?" Quatre accepted the gift, looking it over suspiciously.  "Gasp!  This is… **THE SCRIPT**!  I never thought I'd ever actually _see_ a script!" He flipped through the pages quickly and stopped.  He read for a few minutes, scrunching his eyebrows as he progressed through the story.

            "I don't like this part." He announced in a plain tone.  "You make me sound like an idiot right here.  I think you should change it."

            "He's requesting a script change!?" Elly shrieked.  "LET ME AT HIM!"

            "That's good material right there… how could Quatre disapprove?" Fan shrugged.  "Anyway, it's too late.  He already did it and the script is done."

            "I'm never letting a fictional character peek at the script again." Elly fumed.  "We spent a long time coming up with some of this… I don't care if the actors don't _like_ it!"

            Quatre was reading the current part of the script.  "Quatre was reading the current part of the script… he said." He said.  "Whoa that's weird!" He waved his hand in the air, and then began to read again.  "Whoa that's weird!  He waved his hand in the air, and then began to read again." He sweatdropped.  "He sweatdropped."

            After feeling appropriately eerie, Quatre flipped to a future part of the storyline.  "This is too freaky…" He immediately shut his mouth, feeling a little strange to know every word and every action he performed was being recorded in this pile of papers… or was it already recorded and he was just acting it out now?  But, how could the script incorporate his actually _having_ a copy of the completed script _into_ the script?  It must have been being written _as_ he did everything… no… it had to have been written before hand… but then how… "AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!  How is it that no matter _what_ you authors do, I'm utterly confused?"

            For a moment, he was almost sure he heard hushed laughter from a far away plain… he was about to read the script to double-check his hunch when he reminded himself that reading about the present was not good for one's health.  He continued to proceed into the future of the tale, wincing at some absolutely _stupid_ things he and the others would be made to say.  "I will be the god of dance once again! Duo declared, unaware of Trowa's silence." Quatre read from the script slowly.  Realizing what his friends had been up to, he started laughing.

            "Do you feel like a lost soul now?" Duo grumbled.  "Without DDR, we aren't gods anymore."

            Trowa just kept looking for the other three pilots, realizing what a hopeless task that would be… have we mentioned Disneyland is kind of biggish?

            "I will be the god of dance once again!" Duo declared, unaware of Trowa's silence.

            "We're never going to find the others." Trowa was serious.  "Do you think they've already found the international spy and have left the park?  It's getting really late, after all."

            "We should have set up an 'appointed meeting place' just in case something like this happened.  Man… I feel like a lost little kid."

            "Yes and you look like one, too.  Please look a little more… responsible.  And take off those ridiculous shoes or _I'm_ going to ditch you too."

            "That's harsh, Trowa!" Duo admired his feet, which were decked out in his brand new Mickey Mouse slippers.  "These were the only shoes they had in stock… they're not _that_ bad."

            No response.

            "Trowa… Trowa?" Duo glanced around, suddenly feeling _quite_ smallish.  "You weren't serious?  Come back!  I'll take off the stupid slippers!"

            No such luck.

            "Nope… not going to do it." Heero folded his arms and shook his head stubbornly.

            "Come on." The same ride attendant that witnessed the staring contest with the optical illusion, was urging Heero to actually board the Haunted House ride.

            "But those trolleys are going so… fast!" The perfect soldier whined.  "How am I supposed to jump on?"

            The employee sighed.  "It's easy."

            "Show me."

            Shrugging, the attendant sat himself into one of the moving carts, and was whisked into the ride.  "See?" He called back as he disappeared into the depths.  "Did you see how easy?"

            Heero began tapping his foot, wondering if that guy would get fired for goofing off on the job.  "Next." He began ushering people onto the ride professionally, as if he had been working at Disneyland all his life.

            A little while later:

            "Next!" Heero cheerfully assisted loading some people onto a trolley.  "Enjoy the ride!"

            "Hey!" The employee guy tromped onto the scene.  "Why didn't you get on the ride?"

            "Because," Heero kept waving people on.  "I blinked.  I missed it, and didn't see how easy you did it."

            "You missed it?" The employee cried.  "What about all this time… haven't you been paying attention to how easy it is for all _these_ people to get on the ride?"

            "Nope."

            "Okay… if you're scared then don't get on… can I have my job back now?"

            "How much do you get paid for doing this?" Heero queried, patting a little girl on the head as she went by.

            "Urm… nine bucks an hour…"

            "Then no.  You cannot have your job back… I could use this kind of cash!"

            "That's it." The guy raged.  "You're getting on this ride RIGHT NOW!"

            "Eh?" Heero didn't have a chance to react as the employee snatched him up and threw him onto a cart.  "You're stronger than you look…"

            "NOW ENJOY THE FREAKING RIDE!" The guy began to calm down after that.

            "You're right, this is easy!" Heero admitted as he rolled into the ride.

            "According to this," Quatre patted the script.  "The international spy is actually nearby… and _I_ get to find him… for once, the authors are letting me do something heroic!" He was very tempted to read straight to the end of the stack, but refrained, reasoning that knowing the ending ruins the whole thing.

            He had amused himself by reading about Heero's adventures in the Haunted House (which we have not quite gotten to yet), and Wufei's daring escape from Toon Town (which we also have not been treated to yet).  In fact, he had already read this entire paragraph some time ago, so he knew exactly what was coming next… PICKLES… see, _you_ didn't know that was coming next but _he_ did.

            "I still don't get that whole pickles thing…" He scratched his head.

            But that didn't matter because he was about to find the international spy and end the story… that kind of lessens the whole suspense aspect doesn't it?  Well then, let's just put it this way: we are still the all-powerful-authors… we could still stick some surprises in here.  Hee hee hee.  (Elly and the Gundam Wing Fan do the Dr. Evil pinky finger… thing.)

            "Well, everything seems pretty clear cut." Quatre disposed of his empty popcorn bag in a wastebasket.  "I guess I'll just go get that international spy, then… _that_ was one of those stupid lines.  And so was that… ARGH!" He grimaced as he remembered reading those exact words a little while ago.

            Wufei waited for his eyes to adjust, and peeked out of the two tiny eyeholes.  "How does anybody see out of these things?"

            "Chatter, bink, bink." Dale explained.

            "But are you really so low on help that you need to do this to helpless teenagers trapped in Toon Town?" Wufei snarled through his mask.

            "Bink, blubber, chatter, chatter." Chip insisted firmly.

            "Oh… the night crew quit, eh?  So why did it have to be _this_ costume?" Wufei plucked at his Minnie Mouse costume through his oversized gloves.  He would never have agreed to this insult… but a bunch of the other Disney characters showed up to force recruitment out of him.  NESS DRINKS COFFEE!  See how that works?  Only Quatre knows when that weird stuff is going to pop up.  Hee hee.

            "What was that?" Wufei started at the NESS DRINKS COFFEE.  "Where did _that_ come from?"

            "Bink, bink, bink, bink, bink…" Dale ordered.

            "I don't want to!" Wufei complained.

            "Bink, bink." Chip reminded him, pointing at a rather large Donald Duck carrying a club-like stick.

            "It's not _fair_!" Wufei wandered onto the streets of Toon Town, seeking young people to cheer up.  He didn't have to wait long.

            "It's MINNIE!" Some triplets screamed.  They rushed to their idol without hesitation, recreating the 'group hug scene' that Wufei had endured earlier.

            "Oh… stop it." He tried pushing the toddlers away from him, but the big gloves didn't work so well.  "Shouldn't you be in _bed_?  Look what time it is!"

            "Kodak _moment_!" The parents of the triplets reached for their camera, a thrilled expression on both their faces.

            "I've had it up to _here_ with Kodak moments…" Wufei roared, finally pushing the little kids to the ground.  He began dashing away, his long mouse-tail waving in the air.

            Chip, Dale, Donald Duck, and Goofy emerged from a dark alley (Disneyland has dark alleys?) and began pursuit.  The triplets forgot to cry as they watched the spectacle.

            "Whoph…" The pilot tripped over his puffy high-heels, landing on the street though cushioned by the Minnie costume.

            "CHATTER, BINK!" The chipmunks scolded viciously, pummeling the fallen Minnie Mouse.

            "Ko-daak… moomunt?" One of the triplets pointed at the brawl.

            "No…" The dad answered.  "This is not a Kodak moment."

            Donald Duck began squawking angrily as Minnie dropkicked him in the beak.  S/he then proceeded to beat up on an unsuspecting Goofy, scoring a number of cushioned punches.  The Disney gloves really weren't ideal for these kinds of bloodbaths.

            "BINK!" Dale awarded a smashing blow to Minnie's side.  He chuckled at his success until he was tipped over by a foot sweep by a high-heeled foot.

            "Take this!" Wufei knocked Donald down and then ran to his freedom, almost tripping over his heels a number of times.

            "Oh my _god_!" The mother of the triplets gasped.  "Minnie Mouse killed Donald Duck!"

            Heero nodded at the assortment of ghouls and departed that floated through his vision.  "So what did you in?" He asked a ghostly apparition.  "Self detonation?  It's a good idea…" He approved of the whole ride.

            "Gaze at your reflection," A canned announcer voice in the back of the trolley said.  "Just between you and me… you won't be going home… alone… hahahahahaha!"

            The cart strolled in front of a mirror and Heero was shocked to see… PICKLES… no, actually he saw a green ghost sitting beside him with a goofy look on its face.

            "State your name!" Heero turned from the reflection to address the intruder at his side… but nobody was there.  "Eh… invisible?" There was no response.  "Very well… I will refer to you as… Alfred.  So Alfred, do you know anything about international spies?"

            "Those creepy ghouls will follow you home… ahahahahahaha!" The announcer continued.

            "Hm." Heero continued to speak to the empty spot next to him.  "Lonely huh?  I'll have to see what my friends think of you, Alfred."

            The ride finished itself, rolling through an assortment of spooky spectacles.  Heero exited the building, looking around at the diminishing Disneyland crowd.  It was getting late and families were taking their children home.  The park was going to close soon, and the gundam pilots didn't have much time.

            Fortunately, Quatre knew exactly where to go.  He had followed the script to find the exact spot… where he had been waiting for a little while.  Finally, the suspect appeared.  He was a monstrous looking fellow, obviously of the untrustworthy type.  Quatre strolled over to this menacing individual, staring at the script all the while.

            "Come with me, you international spy…" Quatre said disjointedly, reading from the page in his hand.  "Why… you are an ugly critter aren't you… WHO WRITES THIS?  Er-hem… I am taking you into custody."

            "Hi!" The suspect's muffled voice said.  "I'm Mickey Mouse!" And so he was… he was dressed in a big Mickey outfit… very similar to Wufei's.

            "No… you're not!" Quatre tried to read the lines more convincingly… let's just say he's not cut out for drama.  "You are the evil… international spy!"

            "Ahw, dang you got me." The Mickey Mouse changed his voice from squeaky to rather gangsterish.  "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!"

            Quatre removed the Mickey Mouse mask to reveal…

            A brilliantly colored firework exploded in the sky, cascading lights onto the ground for quite a distance.  Duo kicked off his Mickey slippers and admired the spectacle.  "Kind of looks like a space battle… doesn't it Heero?"

            The two had run into each other and decided to wait at the entrance of the park for the others.  "Alfred says they do this every night." Heero blinked as a noisy white light streaked through the air.

            "Alfred?" Duo glanced around.

            "My friend… he's _right_ here, Duo."

            "There's nobody here…"

            "Numbskull…"

            "Aha!" Wufei exited the park, and joined his two friends.  "_There_ you are!"

            "Why's your hair messed up?" Duo noticed.

            Wufei ran a hand through his ruffled 'do.'  "It is not… and even if it _were_ it wouldn't be because I was wearing a giant mouse suit or anything."

            "Alfred says you _were_ wearing a giant mouse suit…" Heero raised an eyebrow, almost scolding Wufei for lying.

            "I did _not_!" The former Minnie Mouse argued.  "I spent all my time looking for the international spy!"

            "Speaking of whom," Duo frowned.  "You didn't happen to find him, did you?  Heero and I had no luck."

            Wufei sighed.  "No… Disneyland is too… biggish…"

            "Agreed.  Alfred says it was a wasted endeavor."

            "_Who_ is Alfred?" Wufei asked.

            "_This_ is Alfred!" Heero gestured to an empty spot on his left.  "You are both being very rude to Alfred."

            Trowa silently appeared, looking very unhappy.  "I couldn't find any spies.  Just some flies… and some guys… and those fries, but I ate them."

            "You _ate_ something?" Duo looked startled.  "You don't eat!  Otherwise you couldn't be so freakishly thin!"

            Trowa looked unimpressed.  "Well I did."

            Duo gasped.  "Wow, you ate!  …What's it like?"

            "Guys!" Quatre stumbled out of Disneyland dragging a ragged Mickey Mouse behind him.  "I found the international spy!"

            "Egads!" Heero jumped up.  "Alfred says that _is_ the spy!"

            "_International_ spy!" Wufei raged.  "At least get it right!"

            "Alfred doesn't care about _international_… but that is the spy."

            "Who is it?" Duo stared at the costume.  "How did you find him?  What are his diabolical plans?!"

            "One thing at a time!" Since Quatre read the script, he knew this was a good moment for him and he wanted to drag it out a little bit.  "I did some investigating… you know, Sherlock stuff… and I found all kinds of little clues that eventually led me to discover that…" He removed the Mickey mask.  "The ARCADE MANAGER is the international spy!"

            "It makes perfect sense!" Trowa said, recognizing the evil arcade manager.  "You aren't a _real_ arcade manager… arcade managers are always cheerful and upright… _that's_ why you are an international spy!"

            "Darned kids." The arcade manager looked cranky.

            "Quatre," Heero said.  "Alfred says that you found the spy a _different_ way than what you said.  What's the truth?"

            Quatre sweatdropped.  "I should have read the ending…"

            "Why?" Trowa asked.  "What did you leave out?"

            "I sort of got my hands on… _this_!" He displayed the script… which naturally had big block letters that said 'THE SCRIPT' on it.

            "You got the script?" Wufei didn't believe it.  "That's impossible… does that mean you know everything that I… I mean… we _all_ did?"

            "Yeah." Quatre looked sly.

            "Uh…" Duo rubbed the back of his neck.  "So you know about the destruction of DDR… that was mostly Trowa's fault, you know!"

            "Yeah, I know all about that." Quatre said as they wandered into the parking lot, international spy in tow.  "And I know about Alfred."

            "Of course." Heero smiled.

            "Heero…" Duo argued.  "There's _nobody_ there!"

            "No!" Heero pointed a dangerous finger at Duo.  "Do not diss Alfred!  He's sensitive."

            "What else did you read?" Wufei asked Quatre hopefully.

            "Well there was this little escapade in Toon Town." He replied.

            Wufei became scary-looking.  "Mention _nothing_… I'm serious, Quatre!"

            "Ooo!" Duo snatched 'THE SCRIPT' possessively.  "What's in here, Wufei?  What is it that we're not supposed to read?"

            Wufei snatched 'THE SCRIPT' for himself.  "None of your business!  Now shoo!"

            "That's mine." Quatre made one more exchange of 'THE SCRIPT.' "The authors gave it to me."

            "What happens now?" Trowa looked at his watch.  "Because I'm ready for this to be over."

            Quatre flipped through to the very end of the story.  "Ahem… Quatre flipped through to the very end of the story.  He glanced around, looking pale." He glanced around looking pale.

            "Skip ahead." Heero suggested.

            "It says, that we all get in our gundams and fly into the sunset…"

            "What?" Trowa got a sensible look on his face.  "It's almost midnight… there is no sunset… did we miss it?"

            "Alfred says we did." Heero snapped his fingers.

            "I think this is a typo…" Quatre pointed at the sentence in question.  "How could the authors miss something so obvious?"

            "How did we miss something so obvious!?" Elly said.

            "Just fix it…" Fan was proofreading pages again with his red pen.  "You know… backspace, backspace, backspace, and then type something new."

            "I'll see what I can do."

            "Oh hang on, I misread…" Quatre announced.  "It says, that we all get in our gundams and fly into the cardboard sunset… eh?"

            Everybody looked into the sky and noticed a gigantic piece of cardboard with a sunset painted on sloppily.

            "Okay." Heero looked happy.  "Let's do it!"

            They boarded their gundams and flew into the cardboard sunset (literally).  It shattered into smaller cardboard pieces.

            "No, that's not good enough." Fan decided.  "Let me try."

            "Oh, I misread." Quatre said.  They were in the parking lot again.  "It says, that we all get in our gundams and fly into the night sky."

            "That sounds reasonable." Trowa said.  "Better than those last two typos."

            They all boarded their gundams and flew into the night sky (literally).  It shattered into smaller night sky pieces.

            "Why do they do that?" Elly read the new ending.  "That's not _it_!"

            "Oh, I misread." Quatre said _again_.  "It says, that we all get in our gundams and we don't crash into anything."

            They all got into their gundams and sat in the parking lot.

            "Now what?" Duo asked.

            "Why are they being so difficult all of a sudden?" Fan typed rapidly.

            "Oh there's more…" Quatre broadcasted his voice to the other gundams.  "It says we take off and go home… and we absolutely, positively, do _not_ crash into anything."

            "That's no fun." Wufei moaned.

            The gundams lifted off and went home… and absolutely, positively, did _not_ crash into anything.

            "But I liked the sunset… it's more dramatic." Elly said.

            "Too late, I got them home." Fan looked proud.

            "Yeah… but that ending sucked… let me do it!"

            Suddenly, all around the parking lot, strobe lights began flashing psychedelically.

            "Now it says that we all depart in a super fashionable way." Quatre sighed.  "What was wrong last time?"

            "Those authors are just picky." Duo said, removing some tinted sunglasses from his face.  "Is this their idea of fashion?"

            "Agh!" Wufei leaped.  "What is this _thing_?" He held up a fluffy kitty.  It had an evil look on its face.

            "According to the script," Quatre paused for a minute, noticing his hair looked green.  "NO!  Don't dye my hair!  That's not cool!"

            "Don't do that." Fan scolded.  "That's just weird.  It doesn't make any sense!"

            "Since when did this fic make sense?" Elly argued.

            "Well… it doesn't have to be _that_ ridiculous… how about we team up and come up with something really good?"

            "And so ends a Disneyland Adventure." Duo said in an announcer type voice.  (He's got a nice announcer type voice!)  "We've all learned something today, haven't we?"

            "Yes… always be a nice guy!  And wear your helmet!" Wufei agreed.

            "Is this a super-happy ending or something?  If it is, I demand it stop right NOW!" Heero stomped his feet.

            "But then we'll never get to leave!" Trowa looked sad.

            "They're not buying it." Fan looked indifferent.  "It was a bad idea anyway."

            "I've GOT IT!" Elly had a light bulb over her head.

            "Go for it."

The End

Elly: There, that's it.

GWFan: That's… _IT_?  That's your great idea?

Elly: You have to admit it works.  Because look, we're in the author's notes now so that means the fic's over.

GWFan: Oh, so we are.  Necessary info: we've got an e-mail that you can send to.  It's DancingMoogle@hotmail.com and please feel free to contact us.

Elly: This was long so I want to congratulate everybody who's read all the way through.  Thank you!

GWFan: For the record, this story was based upon actual events… _our_ trip to Disneyland this summer.

Elly: And, this story was brought to you by the letter PICKLES!

GWFan: That's not a letter…

Elly: (Sticks tongue out.) But really, a lot of what happened in this story happened last August when we were at Disneyland… cool, eh?

GWFan: NESS DRINKS COFFEE!


End file.
